Episode 6
The case of Simon and the crunchy onion bhajis
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BOFH: The case of Simon and the crunchy onion bhajis
BOFH: Red pill? Blue pill? Window?
Red pill? Blue pill? Window?
Episode 5
I am having an existential crisis.
BOFH: It’s survey time in BOFH-land… and the dastardly duo are getting creative
It’s survey time in BOFH-land… and the dastardly duo are getting creative
Episode 2
So the PFY and I are in the Boss’s office having sat through a 10-minute monologue on the importance of client surveys with a request that we come up with a way of reporting satisfaction levels to him by the time he rocks back from a half-hour meeting.…
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BOFH: Look to the future, Boss – you know it makes sense
Look to the future, Boss – you know it makes sense
Episode 3
“How bad is it really?” the Boss asks.…
BOFH: No, no! There’s no such thing as a stupid question
No, no. There’s no such thing as a stupid question
Episode 4
It’s meeting time and the huddled masses of IT are collected in the open area
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BOFH: A little life support from Simon and the PFY
A little life support from Simon and the PFY
Episode 14
“There he is!” the PFY says cheerfully.
BOFH: A tale of Simon, the PFY and the consultant
A tale of Simon, the PFY and the consultant
Episode 1
… And so we’re thinking that some way of getting a morale boost would be good,” the Boss burbles.
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BOFH: If you don’t cough the money, you’re well out of luck
If you don’t cough the money, you’re well out of luck
Episode 13
The scene opens in the BOFH’s office at 2:43pm on the LAST DAY OF WORK.
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BOFH
In which the PFY and Simon show the Director their vision of the future
Episode 10 
The Director is an idiot – that goes without saying – though the Peter principle doesn’t even begin to describe him.…
BOFH: Ah, Director. Your childish antics warm my heart
Ah, Director. Your childish antics warm my heart
Episode 11
“So let me get this straight,” the PFY says, shaking his head a little to clear his thoughts “Global warming is… our fault.
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BOFH: You know what the kids will think is boss? You, tweeting from that window ledge
You know what the kids will think is boss? You, tweeting from that window ledge
Episode 12
“We’d like to Twitter our information to the world,” the Boss gasps happily – in much the same excited tones as one would expect upon the discovery of a cure for cancer, a path to world peace, or a piece of “free” software that doesn’t inject a toolbar into your browser the moment you click next.
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BOFH: Slow your roll, your typewriters will be here anon
Slow your roll, your typewriters will be here anon
Episode 8
“Just a little H and S thing,” the Boss says, popping his head around the door to Mission Control.
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BOFH: Well, it was an angry mob simulation
Well, it was an angry mob simulation
Episode 9
“So what happened yesterday?” the CEO asks, not looking too pleased.
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BOFH: Our hero and the Pimply Faced Youth valiantly bring pub o’ clock closer for us all
Our hero and the Pimply Faced Youth valiantly bring pub o’ clock closer for us all
Episode 5
“I’ve forgotten more about computing than you’ll ever know!” I snap at the PFY in response to a sarcastic remark.
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BOFH: Leads? Detective Bastard Operator From Hell has nothing to Go On
Leads? Detective Bastard Operator From Hell has nothing to Go On
Episode 6
“…Oh yes, I was reading the white paper on that just this morning,” I lie.
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BOFH: It’s also our nickname for the ISA card guy we have to pay to fix everything
It’s also our nickname for the ISA card guy we have to pay to fix everything
Episode 7
“We need you now!” the Boss says, bursting into Mission Control early one morning.
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BOFH: The B stands for BOFH
The B stands for BOFH
Episode 2
“He’s getting a bag out of his car,” the PFY says, continuing his running commentary of the bloke that’s parked in the short-term consultants’ parking space a couple of floors below. “It has got coloured balls in it.”
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BOFH: Time to take a custard pie, er, interface…
Time to take a custard pie, er, interface…
Episode 3
Fifteen months ago…
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BOFH: The Bastard Operator From Hell continues to meet targets on his roadmap in the latest instalment
The Bastard Operator From Hell continues to meet targets on his roadmap in the latest instalment
Episode 4
So I’m down visiting a particularly painful user in the coloured pencil office who apparently believes the old adage about the squeakiest wheel getting the most grease.
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BOFH: On our hero sysadmin’s watch? Not likely…
On our hero sysadmin’s watch? Not likely…
Episode 1
“Oh I generally take the road less travelled…” I say to the Boss in response to the mindless drivel that’s just escaped the low pressure system of his skull.
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BOFH
And let’s see how long he takes to crack
Episode 12 “I just want to check the state of a job,” the Boss says, burbling away on the PFY’s hands-free.…
BOFH
It’s for your own Health and Safety
Episode 9 I’m already in a bit of a foul mood when the Boss calls me into his office for “a quick word”. The office Health and Safety enthusiast is there too so I know the meeting will be neither quick nor a single word.…
BOFH
Mindfulness worksheets? Lattes? We’re all set
Episode 11 So I’m doing some documentation – which we all know is a waste of my valuable time because everything I do is self-documenting – and the Boss walks in.…
BOFH
Oh, and sorry about your phone
Episode 10 “You see!” the Boss says.…
BOFH
I know where your supervisor is Dave
Episode 8 At some point in every successful IT vendor’s lifecycle, their infrastructure gets so vast and monolithic that navigating their support network is pretty much impossible for everyone but the vendor’s people themselves – and sometimes not even them.…
BOFH
It’s the technology of the future-ture-ture
Episode 7 “I’ve got two words for you,” the Boss says excitedly. “Block Chain!”…
BOFH
You’re here to audit us? Hi! Fancy a coffee?
Episode 6 We’re having a company-wide operational audit. The Boss, bless him, thinks it’s a routine process aimed at solidifying the company’s position in the marketplace (blah, blah, blah), however the PFY and I know better having accidentally been bcc-ed in on a private email exchange discussing a possible company merger with a rival firm.…
BOFH: Simon and PFY gamify the interface
Simon and PFY gamify the interface
Episode 5
“We put a fair amount of time into ideation sessions in an attempt to leverage your company’s commercial value against the prevailing market perception,” the suit says
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BOFH
Yurrrr. Yuurrrrg. Hnng. Vomit? No, I’m fi… yuuurrg. Yunnk. Unk. Gulp. HUALLLARRGHHHAAHH!*
Episode 4 I’m on high alert in Mission Control. It’s 11:30am, I’ve not seen the PFY all morning and there’s a cold, half eaten chicken kebab sitting on the PFY’s keyboard.…
BOFH
Oh, Sales Guy! You’re a riot
Episode 3 …